How do you know when your girlfriend is getting fat?
When you start asking your wife for sex.
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My fruit and vegetable business has gone into liquidation.
We now sell smoothies.
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The worst part about being a giraffe is having a lot of time to think about your mistakes when you’re sinking into quicksand.
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Give a man a fish, and he can eat for a day.
But teach a man to fish, and he will bore you to fucking death with fishing stories.
